Setting Boundaries
I use to run a deep fear of doing something wrong.
Getting in trouble.
Breaking the rules.
Being in the middle or sides of conflict.
I experienced massive guilt and shame and would tip-toe to do it all right.
I wanted to make everyone happy, even at the expense of my own well-being.
I never wanted anyone mad or sad or upset with me.
I would loosen my boundaries to honor others needs.
I would give at the expense of my mental health.
I would hold onto it all in my body.
Deep shame, fear, worry.
I struggled with boundaries for a long time in my life. I was the person who could “do it all” and I wore that deeply like a badge of honor. I said yes, when I wanted to say no, I would overgive, overextend myself, stretch myself so thin to make sure everyone around me was happy.
When everyone else around me was happy, I could breathe. It felt safe. I wanted to make sure everyone’s needs were met over my own. I could feel myself with crippling anxiety making sure everyone got what they wanted, however I was left feeling depleted.
It was hard to speak my truth in that too. I kept quiet, nodded and smiled. Saying “no” or “I don’t have space for that” felt so scary in my body.
I wasn’t aware of how to set boundaries. I was struggling as a people pleaser. When healthy boundaries aren’t modeled for us as children, we tend to navigate the world with very similar ones, or maybe we try to do the opposite in hopes to find control.
This could be being modeled emotional boundaries or physical boundaries. My fear in not honoring my boundaries and speaking my truth in what I needed stemmed from a few things:
Knowing My Needs
Communicating them
Releasing the fear of abandonment
Not needing to Meet them all myself
Maybe you can relate to my past too, or maybe even feel some of this now.
So a little memo, you’re safe.
It’s safe to speak your truth, set boundaries, be bold, see different sides, and make yourself happy.
If you’re ready to dive into support around boundaries, check out this episode of my podcast, The Energetics Of Business.